Which is more constructive: anger or hatred?
Which is more beneficial: forgiveness or acceptance?
When we separate from our former partner/the mother of our children, we often go through anger, hatred, blame, and resentment. How does this affect our ability to move on? Can we move on with these floating malignantly around our system? I say no, we can not! One could argue that anger could be used in a constructive manner – motivation for change perhaps? - and I would agree, but only at the outset. Like hatred, blame, and resentment, it needs to be purged from the system in order to truly move on. I am not saying to ignore these emotions, I am saying we need to acknowledge, accept, and process them.
The way forward is through forgiveness and acceptance. Not only do we need to forgive the other person, we need to forgive ourself. In order to forgive, we need to accept: accept what has happened, accept that this is how it is right now. There is no room for anger, blame, hatred, or resentment in forward movement. These are anchors holding us back.
If you have children with your ex, this is especially important. Any separation has two contributors, so the sooner we can accept our responsibility in the situation, the sooner we can come to acceptance and forgiveness. Our children must come first. I have spoken with a lot of separated fathers, and here is a lot of angst between them and their ex. If this comes from the other side, we must accept that and do all in our power to be the best we can be. This is our responsibility to our children. We must always respect their mother to them, regardless of how she may treat us. We must always be strong, resilient, caring, and compassionate. In this way we will show our children what being a Father: what being a Man! Really means.
After all: our children were conceived in Love, so let us demonstrate that Love each and every day!
Terence Seeto - Fit Dad Community Member