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The Absent Father

The Absent Father


One could argue that when we decide to become a Father, we plan on being a present Father. We plan on becoming a Family, a unit. But...what happens when this does not work, or is torn away from us? What then do we do as a Father? How do we deal with the disappointment and hurt?


For a period of 4 years I knew the pain of being an Absent Father: not only absent, but ‘legally absent’! Through the seemingly endless legal process of mediation, then court, I never saw or had contact with my children at all. I finally managed to turn this around. For three-and-a-half years I then became a Present Father! Amazing! But...for the last two years I have once again been banished to ‘Absent Dad’ status. 


This has been an incredible trip of pain, joy, agonizing dejection, depression, hope and learning. There have been periods of supreme ecstasy where anything and everything is possible, followed by periods of absolute hopelessness when nothing is or will ever be achievable or surmountable. There have been days when I could remember what being a Father was, and days it felt that memory had been erased from my mind completely.


Today I fight again to be a part of my children’s lives. This time there is a difference! I have the honour to have some incredible people by my side to help. This is the true lesson of the road I have walked. I fell to the depths of despair, but there was one who reached me there and lifted me enough to create some movement. There was one who helped me understand that it is not ALL my fault, and assisted the creation of new insight, and the rekindling of the indomitable ME. There was one who remembered the athlete in me and helped me again experience and express the joy I felt in being powerful, fast, and inexhaustible. There was one who reminded me that love is a real thing, and two people can truly support and nurture one another. They are still with me today! Then...finally...there was ME!


My message to you is this: it matters not to what depths we fall, nor how far from the ‘path’ we stray, there is always one who is there for you. It does not matter how much we might blame, loathe or despise ourselves, or how much we have given up, there is always one who believes in you. What truly matters is that we have children who need their Father, and their Father can not be stronger than when he reaches out and asks for help. Please, never forget that you are never alone. There is always someone (give me a holler!) who will help. Reach Out!

Terence Seeto - Community Member.

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